I accept that experiencing pain
can lead to freedom and growth.
Yesterday I watched the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”. It’s theme so impressed me and it was done so well that it is a DVD that I own because I would like to see it more than once. I’ve actually seen this movie at least two other times. The movie is based on these questions: “If you could erase the memory of someone after a breakup of the relationship would you? Should you?”
Surely, the temptation to erase the memories after a breakup, if it were possible, could be very strong. No memories, no awful emotional pain. Wallah. Problem solved. Wait! Not so fast! Erasing the memories not only erases the pain but it also erases the joy and every emotion felt in-between joy and pain.
Another aspect to consider is that you will no longer remember some things that you may hold dear. For example, I went to many awesome concerts with my ex-husband and he introduced me to some music that I still love to listen to today. The experience of having our dog, Uno, would be gone too. The experience of seeing one of my exes play music in his bands and becoming friendly with his band mates would be lost. I think you get what I am saying here.
I would not erase a single memory of a person that I was in a relationship with in the past because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my past relationships have shaped a stronger better me. I’ve been with a couple of abusive and extremely damaged men. I can’t think of much I want to remember about one in particular. I would rather that I never met him and never experienced the two months that we were together. Yet, who would I be if I did not experience what I did with him? That time was quite awful. But, it was the next step in the direction of acting on my behalf to not take bad treatment from someone with a warped mind who wants to control me (a pattern that I fell into over and over again beginning with my first relationship).
Lastly, erasing the memories will erase some of your identity. The person who you have become as a result of the experience with someone is changed from having had that experience. That identity has value. That person has gained freedom and growth having gone through the pain and come out on the other side of it.
Someday technology may be developed that will help us erase the memories. We can edit our genes by removing a gene then putting a new gene in it’s place. It’s very possible that we may see machines developed in our future that can erase the memories of someone from our mind. For now it is a hypothetical question. Still, it is an interesting one to ponder.
What do you think about it? Would you erase the memories of someone after a breakup so that you could move on quickly and not feel the pain of the breakup?