I Let Go Of Past Resentments.
I have just woken up from having a dream about something in my past that I thought I was over. Apparently, I still hold some resentment inside of me. This situation happened so long ago that I should really be over it. I can’t imagine why part of me still holds onto the anger. In my 20s I worked as a waitress at a restaurant named Shells. At first it was a good job working with people who were fair. After a time, some ladies were hired that knew some of the ladies that worked there and knew each other. They formed a clique. And one of them became head server which gave her the responsibility of assigning the stations and tables that everyone would have to work in. She didn’t particularly like me and she favored her friends.
These ladies were devious. They took every opportunity to steal tables from other servers who weren’t their friends. That’s what the dream was about. I dreamt that a couple of them swooped in and stole tables that I was supposed to wait on when I hesitated to get to them because I wasn’t quite sure if they were mine yet. I confronted one of them and told her that I knew exactly what she and her friends were doing. Then I threw down my checks and apron and quit.
In real time I never did quit because of being fed up with their behavior. I did tell the owners that the station and table assignments were not fair. They did not care. One of them even told me that I had the opportunity to be head waitress and that I turned it down. I had good reason. I turned it down because I was going to college and I didn’t want any extra stress. That was not an appropriate response from my boss. In addition to stealing tables and assigning me poor stations they talked about me behind my back. The head server and some of them made outright demeaning comments to me. Now that I think about it, I should have quit.
I’m trying to understand why I did not look for another job then quit. I was a server for 10 years. Sometimes it was smooth and easy. Other times it was rocky and hard. Anyone who has ever been a waitress knows the hell I am talking about here (when the kitchen is running out of everything, you’re short staff, and the shift feels like it will never end). In addition to the stress that could be intense, I experienced cliques with their attitudes when I went on to work at other restaurants. In these restaurants they could not steal tables. But, they were nasty towards me. In one of the restaurants they were worse than the ladies at Shells.
Why didn’t I quit? I believe that low self-esteem and poor confidence in myself kept me in those jobs. I graduated from college with a BA yet I did not pursue a job in my field. I have no one to blame for the poor treatment but myself. I could have gotten out of those situations and applied myself. I have to let my anger toward all those people go and I have to let the anger toward myself go. I am hoping that making this statement will help me to let go. I also hope that stating this affirmation will help too. I am determined to look into other ways that I can let go of my resentments as well.
I know that I still have anger toward some people in personal relationships in my past. That is understandable, although, I do not want to hold onto those resentments either. The resentment that I still feel toward the ladies that I worked with at these restaurants surprises me. Having this dream is helpful because I am forced to examine where I am with all my resentments.
Do you have resentments toward people in your past? What will it take for you to let go of those resentments? Do you need to forgive yourself for putting up with poor treatment when you could have done something about it? I encourage you to think about this topic in depth because resentments only hurt you. The people in your past don’t give a s**t. Why should you?