A couple of days ago I had a conversation with my boyfriend about affirmations. He stated that affirmations are lies you tell to yourself. I disagreed. I told him that affirmations are true but we may not accept the truth. For example, I may affirm that I am a good person but I may not actually wholly believe that I am a good person. That does not mean that it is not true that I am a good person. It’s just that something inside of me does not accept this truth.
I find that the more I do not accept the truth of an affirmation the more uncomfortable I feel when I state the affirmation to myself. I have also discovered that affirmations are not something to be repeated in a rote fashion over and over again. This is because they become just something done without real meaning. For me, affirmations only become effective when I say them and allow myself to believe them.
That’s not to say that repeating affirmations does not have a purpose. What I am getting at here is that in using affirmations it is important to really concentrate on what you affirm. And, maybe even contemplate or meditate on it. Using the example again of the affirmation “I am a good person” I would sit quietly and go deep into myself. Going deep within myself helps me to absorb the truth. I might also ask myself these types of questions. How do I define a good person? When have I been a good person in the past? Revealing to myself the evidence of the affirmation helps me to believe it fully.
Not all affirmations may pass the test of scrutiny and prove to be true. If I affirm that I am the most talented person in the world then I may not be affirming a truth. Certainly, there may be someone more talented than me in the world depending on how I define talent. Or if I affirm that I am black when I am white then the affirmation is definitely not true.
Let’s look at an affirmation that many people find difficult to accept as truth. It is the affirmation “I deserve to be loved.” I think that people find this one difficult to fully accept because most people struggle with unworthiness – not feeling “good enough”. I will reserve the discussion of why people do not feel “good enough” for another day. It’s the idea that people do not accept that they deserve to be loved that I want to focus on right now. All people deserve to be loved. Even people who act in a despicable manner deserve love. I may not approve of your actions but you still deserve love. I dare say that I will get some flack for asserting this notion. So be it.
If you happen to be a person who has a difficult time accepting that you deserve to be loved then stating the affirmation will probably cause you to rankle a bit. You may even feel like a phony when you state the affirmation to yourself. I have had this experience myself with this particular affirmation. Contemplation and meditation can be an effective way to absorb it as a truth. Getting over the discomfort can happen with time and practice. It’s certainly not a one-shot deal.
I admit that my boyfriend and I did not come to an agreement on this discussion. That’s okay. A healthy relationship can stand up to differing points of view. That’s a truth that I am happy to admit that I believe to be true.